I understand my entry into this world was like a crash landing. I was breach with umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. There was no time for a cesarean section, they had to break my mothers pelvis. She always said they were to give up on me & pronounce me dead when I gasp and took my 1st breath.
Home life would not be any easier, & I can still recall some whippings that hurt so bad I swear my hair screamed out in pain. I remember at 5 years old I awoke with diarrhea & I jumped from bed & ran for the outdoor toilet, but I spotted my underpants. When I came back into the house & my father saw my underpants he made me take them off & lay face down on the couch. He grabbed an extension cord & waylaid into me. It felt like eternity past before he stopped. I sat up whimpering & he raised his hand & says if I whimper he would give me more.
My second grade of school my mother & father divorced & I remember feeling happy that dad wasn't around & although my mom could hold her own slinging belt, she wasn't as quick to launch an attack as dad. Yes, for a while I felt a lot easier.
The end of my third year of school I was told I would be going to spend the summer with my dad. I remember immediate fear, & dread wash over me like an ocean wave. I remember wanting to run away.
Living with my dad I mainly just tried to stay out of sight, I had noticed the less I was seen the less chance I had of getting into trouble. I sure wasn't going to look for trouble, but trouble never had a problem finding me. I managed for the most part to stay out of harms way, & had only been punished a couple of times that summer.
Summer at last was over & I thought I would be going home, but little did I know that home was never to be again. My mother had married, taken my little sister & moved to another state. We picked up what few things of mine she left behind, & back with my dad to his place. I felt dread, but mainly very sad, a most empty sad. Oh I wished to just disappear.
My dad would come home drunk & awaken me at 3:00 Am. Made me sit at the kitchen table while he preached & threatened till it was time for school. I caught a few back hands, & got my but blistered a few times, but for most part I had faired well, but all that ended one evening. We lived in a boarding house & had to share the rest room with other boarders. I was sitting on the pot when dad broke down the door, grabbed my arm, jerked me off the pot, & drug me with pants at my ankles down the hall. He slung me across the room & my head hit the post on the headboard of my bed. He then took his belt & waylaid into me, all the time saying he knew what I had been doing. I didn't know for years to come of what I was being accused, & it wasn't true.
He stormed from the house, & I went to my drawer where I had been hiding my money & was going to get a dime & call the police. My money was gone, it seems he found it & drank it. I was able to get a neighbor to call a uncle. He came, picked me up & had my father arrested. The good thing is I would never live with my dad again & have to endure one of his tirades.
To be continued. (My search for a loving God sees a small window of hope)
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