Living with my aunt & uncle was uneasy, but for most part it was the 1st time I had ever experienced what might be considered a normal home. Even today far removed from that short phase of my life the mere remembrance of my uncle Johnny invokes a tear. Not a bad tear but a tear of appreciation for his love & kindness. My aunt (Dads Sister) does not bring the same feeling of love & kindness when I remember that time in my life.
I know I was occupying a room that should have been their oldest daughters, & I know they had 4 children of their own & I put a strain on finances as well as emotions. Their oldest daughter didn't complain much, & in fact I think she liked having someone about her age to play with. I did feel from my aunt that I wasn't wanted & she expressed it as, they couldn't afford me. I did all I knew how trying to be wanted. I would never ask for 2nd's at a meal, I ate what they put on my plate, & I turned down sodas & treats in between. I wanted very much to part of their family.
I studied hard & I tried to stay out of the way.
I missed my mother & sometimes in the middle of the night when all was quiet I would feel overwhelmed with loneliness. I would question my existence, why was I? I would sob quietly until sleep wrapped me in her blanked, & carried me away.
Christmas was just a few weeks away when my aunt & uncle took me in, but I dared not wish for much. The house began transforming into a wonderland of lights & decorations, & I couldn't help feel some of the excitement. My uncle had some friends over Christmas eve dinner & I had never seen a table piled so high with food. The day seemed to drag slowly & I tried to simply sit & remember my manors. There was a constant rumble of conversations going on, & an occasional roar of laughter. Though I was mostly an observer I was spent by days end.
I stood in my room getting dressed for bed when the door opened & it was my uncle. He says, "Son, when your dressed I need to see you in the den". He shut the door, & my head began searching & racing trying to figure why he needed to see me. My experience told me this was not good, & fear jumped me like a mugger. I took precious time dressing & couldn't think of one thing I might have done wrong. I eased the door open & began inching down the hall. The end of the hall came faster than I would like & I was standing in the doorway of the den. My uncle says, "Come on over here". I walked over & stood in front of him trying to look poised as my heart raced. Then he says, "Son I'm very proud of you, & I wanted you to know that" He says, "The people I had visiting today are some of my most respected friends, & they said you were the most polite & well behaved boy they had ever seen." I turned and walked back to my room, and found it hard to believe I wasn't punished, but praised. I lay awake trying to absorb what had happened, & for a little while I was ok.
The school year ended & it was time for me to be passed along. My few belongings were loaded in the car & my uncle drove to meet another uncle (My mothers brother) half way. My belongings swapped from one vehicle to the other, and I watched as my uncle Johnny drove away. I would not see him but once more in my life & that would be 15 years down the road. I got in uncle Dans car & we began the drive to his house. I sat quietly watching farm house after farm house pass by, & wondering what the lives of the people that lived there might be like.
I felt like an intruder at uncle Dans, I could feel he didn't really want me there. He had 3 children & one was a daughter my age. Where my uncle Johnny had lived in the city, uncle Dan lived in the country. Having about 100 acres to play on was the best thing about my stay here. The daughter my age could chunk a rock, climb a tree, and run as fast as any boy. I haven't seen her for 40 years, but she was my best friend the 1st part of this summer.
I would be entering 5th grade soon, & just a few weeks before school my mother with my 2 sisters drives up. I felt like I was being rescued, & thought I was going home at last. I now had a little brother, but he had cerebral palsy. She rented a small place in town, & moved me in with her. I had never felt so elated, and was afraid to let her escape my sight. I would collect pop bottles to sell & buy my little sisters & myself sno-cones. I think I tried every flavor that summer.
School started & I thought my life had at last found some inkling of normalcy. I remember being kept out 1 day and we went to the court house. I had a feeling wasn't right, but couldn't figure it out. A couple of days later it would unravel and it would be revealed to me what my feelings had been screaming out. I sat in class & the principle announced on the intercom for me to not ride the bus home, but catch the bus to my uncle Dans. When the school bell rang I raced to find my little sister, she was in the 1st grade & wouldn't know what bus to catch. I boarded my bus looking for her, & a little boy from her class says "She checked out of school today". I sat down in a seat & rode the bus home.
I walked into our house and it was empty except for a few boxes left on the living room floor. The boxes contained the few possessions that were mine. I sat down by boxes & wept. I said aloud. "God, looks like it's just you and me now" I wished so hard to just not be. Some time later my uncle arrives and he is upset I didn't catch the bus to his place. He tells me to load my things in the car, and lets go.
To be Continued (A few more moves)
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