Shades of Blue

I have felt more shades of blue than the eye can discern. The road I have traveled has had many hills, valleys, twists, & turns. I have considered walking away many times, but no matter where I would have gone, I would be there. I wouldn't have been hard to find, just follow the trail of garbage I am always throwing out, although it seems I turns back around & pick it up again. Makes moving on a snails pace.
I have also stood on the oceans edge, & thought how simple it would be to walk out, dive down, & take a deep breath. The waves crashing ashore & the awesome strength is something that stirs feelings deep within my soul & I can almost hear the sirens calling me to come on. I have had to turn & walk away fearing if I took one step forward I may not be able to stop & head back to shore.
1992 I lost almost everything I had accumulated in life, & by 1993 my struggles to pick myself up had taken a toll on me. I at 40 years old knelt beside my bed as a child, & prayed. Where once I had faith, now was doubt. I thought the God I had believed in was either a lie or he had forsaken me. I poured out my heart & with tears shared my fears. I was exhausted after & lay on the bed to rest. I know I probably fell asleep, but Christ came to my bed side & lifted my heart from it's depths. I looked into his face & all my doubts were washed away, & I couldn't believe I had doubted. I saw a face I knew before I was, a face I knew more than my own, a face I had seen every second of everyday of my life, & begged he forgive my doubt.
I awoke fresh & with a renewed faith. I never saw lips move, but it wasn't necessary I understood what he wished me to & when he left he related that in this life I would never see him in that manner again. With my renewed faith I went at life with a new vigor & I was able to start putting my life together piece by piece.
Lately life has thrown me some new curves & a different hue of blue, but I know I can pull through with faith.

I woke this morning to blue

In a hue I never knew

Was if I was absorbed by ocean & sky

More than I could see with a naked eye

I stood to take a closer look

But was held back as if with hook

I screamed out at the top of my lungs

Yet was muffled by a thousand tongues

I could not be seen, I was not heard

I couldn’t pronounce a single word

I lowered my head in quiet submission

Subjected to my own cognition